Written by Ted O., a CLF Member incarcerated in a Texas prison
I have a celly who says he’s going to procrastinate later. Then he laughs and we both smile. Of course, it’s meant as a joke, but as with many funny things, it’s cut from the cloth of truth. I often think that I will have time to start my new beginning later. And quite often I do; sometimes it’s my choice and other times not so much.
New beginnings can be tough because they take us out of our comfort zone. Other times we are thrust into new beginnings because of incarceration, a separation, a medical diagnosis or even a death. And then there are the times when we are thrust into a new beginning for the second time, as if the first time wasn’t enough. Yeah, it’s not exactly a red letter day to find myself incarcerated again for making the same mistake.
I’m not alone in this. I realize many people choose to burn themselves again with the tempting thought that this time will be different, whether it’s with a spouse, drugs and alcohol or just the luxury of anger that we can ill afford. However we arrive at this place, it is up to us to begin our spiritual journey again, no matter how out of our comfort zone we may be.
I had to wallow in self pity for a season until I came to the realization that I’m not a screw-up, I just screwed up. Getting back on track meant writing the CLF. The first letter to the prisoner ministry was procrastinated far too long. Then one day I could stand it no more. I had to reach out to the UU environment to begin the healing process my soul yearns for and the restoration of a Spirit-centered life.
I’m glad that I’ve overcome the friction that kept me doing nothing. Now the ball is rolling again. I’m plugged into the CLF. With your acceptance, love and prayers I’m happily beginning again.
(reprinted from the September 2016 issue of CLF Quest)
Photo by Martin Fisch on Flickr